I thought I would record my perspective on all that is happening.
To say that this experience has be "a little hard" or "somewhat difficult" would be an understatement of epic proportions. The last several days have been arduous, mentally and physically. I hate to see my beloved wife suffer and I do all I can to comfort and help her; though there is only so much I can do. I am trying to meet the kids' needs while insulating them from the worst of this. Then, of course there is work, and more peripherally, church responsibilities. All while being unable to deny that I, too, have suffered a deep loss. The best analogy that I have come up with is that I feel like I am juggling three or four pieces of china (some obviously more valuable than others) while balancing on a high wire, and I can't remember if there is a net below. I have said to myself, on multiple occasions each day, "this s-ucks," (that one was for you, Don).
Despite these feelings, my family and I have been the recipients of some of the
most
tender mercies imaginable. From quickly and powerfully answered prayers to the loving service of people who watch and play with my children, do my dishes, or simply and sincerely ask me, "how are
you doing?" This experience has greatly strengthened my faith. I know my Savior has carried, and is carrying, my family and me through this.
Finally, to James, I am sorry that I never got to see you yawn, or feel your little hand close around my finger, or watch you take those first halting steps or watch you as father yourself. I hope someday, somehow, to be able to. But I am not sorry you came into my life. I am a better husband, a better father, and a better man for having you in my life, if only for a short time.
Rockabye Sweet Baby James.
